Already Thinking About Next Year

Hey guys,

It’s kind of strange how my mind finds new ways to create additional stress for me without any effort. As soon as one issue is resolved, I move onto the next, kind of like a machine.

That thought really sucks, but I’m not going to go into more detail.

The most recent way I’ve found to add more stress to my ball of already overwhelming stress is to worry about the classes I need to take over the next couple of years, getting my master’s and PhD, and the logistics of all of that. But most pressing, of course, are my classes for next year.

After my last summer, which didn’t go so well, I’ve been hesitant to consider taking more summer classes. However, this summer they are offering a course that I don’t really want to take next winter because if I do, I’ll risk taking five classes again… which I’m not sure I’m ready to try again after all the stress. So, I’ve been thinking about getting it over with. I’m just waiting to talk to an academic advisor to ensure that it will satisfy the requirements for my degree, because it’s not the kind of class that I want to take just “for fun.” Ugh, sciences.

Anyway, a big worry of mine has been satisfying all the requirements of my degree. I’ve got all of the “easy” stuff covered, but I’m getting to the point where I need to complete upper-level classes for disciplines outside of my degree… which I was actually really worried about because I wasn’t sure that I completed enough second-year classes to move onto third and fourth years outside of creative writing. But, because I was so worried about it, I did some research and I’ve found that I don’t really need to do any second-year classes to take third and fourth years unless they are super specialized. So I can still take a bunch that would satisfy those requirements without taking any more second or first-year classes. I might end of taking another first-year class even though I don’t really need to so that I can get access to some higher level classes that I’m really interested in taking. But, that’s still something I need to figure out for sure before I decide on anything.






Hey everyone.

It’s been a while since my last post, though not for lack of trying. I’ve written thousands of words for “future” blog posts that have just been shoved into the depths of the Cloud and will never see the light of day.

Why? Well…

I was actually going to write about the why, except the why was affecting the post I wanted to write. So, I ended up using a nifty trick I learned at university to jump over that wall– which was to schoolify it. That basically means I’ve turned the topic into one of my assignments, and since I’m very strict about getting my homework done no matter what, it’ll get written.

That just means not very many people who actually read this blog will ever see it.

But, well, that really depends on the grade I get. If I score high, I’ll probably keep it to myself, stored away for only a couple lucky peoples’ reading pleasure. If I don’t, I might edit it and post it here for the hell of it. So I guess we’ll see what happens. (Funny how the why is what determines whether or not anyone will ever read about the why.)

Anyway, so what am I actually going to write about right now, then? That’s a good question. I’ve set out to write a blog post because I’ve been asked a couple times to start posting again and have always said that I would, but, of course, never have. I thought it might be a good time to get back into the habit of it.

Getting back into the habit of writing… Sigh, sometimes it can be hard. I’m pretty proud of the fact that I don’t let this so-called “writers’ block” keep me from writing, but even if I’m able to write even when I don’t have anything to write about… Well, to say the least, there are other things that keep me from letting out my ideas. Stress is a big one. The why is another. The to-do list that always includes writing but is always so long that writing is put at the bottom and never reached is another.

To-Do Lists. Maybe that’s what I’ll write about.

Or maybe the neverendingness of them. Some things need to be done by certain hours or days, some things the “deadlines can be extended” into the ever-so-popular oh, that can just be done tomorrow, I’ve already done so much today or the well that didn’t really need to get done anyway. But everything needs to get done. What are seconds of the day for, if not for getting something that needs to be done, done?

Truth be told, I’m exhausted

of the twenty things on the list with three that don’t get done by the end of the day. Exhausted from the resulting, overwhelming sense of failure that always comes because I couldn’t find the time to sweep the kitchen floor or go to the gym or start on the notes for that paper due in twelve days, the one that I Have To Get An ‘A’ On Or My Life Will Be Over.

Truth be told, I’m exhausted

of the twenty things to do each day. Eleven slots designated for homework and studying, three for the guild (don’t get me started on the guild); three for around-the-house chores that tend to always get done (because I need a break from studying and doing homework or I will scream and pull out my hair); two for writing (that almost never get done, unless I force myself to do them first and live with the all-nighter that comes from not getting my homework done by 10pm); and one for myself, which is always the first thing I look at and the last to be remembered because I can’t afford time for myself.

Truth be told, on Monday I took a day for myself. And it felt great.

The weekend was stressful. Tension with friends, too many deadlines, The Coming End Of (My) World, homework, work-work that doesn’t get done, the broken to-do lists, journals, essays, videogames that feel more like homework than fun, my attempts at cooking, the cross-hairs that appear over my cat’s heads after they break something that I needed in order to survive another week at school.


Now that I think of it, I didn’t really do anything on Monday. I went to the gym in the morning because that makes it easier to get through the day. But I skipped class (I told my profs I was stressed and they told me to take the day off), I didn’t do any homework for Tuesday, which I am regretting now that it is Tuesday and I have no time and too much homework; I didn’t really write or read or do anything important. I just had a really good nap. But you know, it was still great. It was great to not feel obligated to do something with my time.

Well, that’s a lie. I did feel obligated to do something with my time, because I always do, and it’s nigh impossible to just “forget” that for one day. If you’re going to forget to do something on purpose, I say you need a few days to actually accomplish that process of forgetting.

And I think sometimes it’s good to take a couple days to forget about your responsibilities and just be you for a while. Maybe I’ll find the time to do that. Or make the time. I don’t know.


Dear Summer

Dear Summer,

It’s almost fall and I still haven’t had the chance to see you. I waited back home through June to late August, hoping you’d stop by for a while, but if you came I missed you and I never heard anything about your arrival.

I promise I waited diligently. I looked outside every day in hopes I’d catch a glimpse of you; I even wandered to the beach twice because there were rumours you would show up, but I only encountered rain and wind and they were unwelcome visitors when I was looking for you. Most of the time I stayed home, looking for any sign or whisper that you’d arrived.

I found heat a couple times and they said they’d seen you just a little while before. I found sunlight and they said the same, but the two must have had another fight because they were never willing to hang out at the same time. I figured that, whatever happened, that’s why I haven’t seen you yet, either.

For a while I was away from home, visiting Whitehorse up in the Yukon for the first time. I thought maybe I’d catch you while I was there, but it seemed like I just missed you. My plan was to round up heat and sunlight and force them to make up in hopes of drawing you out, but you showed yourself back home the second I left town.

To say the least, I’m frustrated.

I know it’s not entirely your fault… sun and heat were part of the problem too, and all the fires and smokey skies definitely didn’t help. All that made me pretty hesitant to be outside, too. But all I wanted this summer was to hang out at the beach and swim and for once, get out of the house. I just couldn’t make that happen without you.

I hope you change your mind before it’s too late, and at least give me a chance to spend some time outside with you.


I’m An Idiot

So I’ve meant to write posts– it just hasn’t been happening. It’s a mixture of laziness, summer classes being a little more work than I expected, and I’ve been spending a lot of time doing stuff for myself. I’ve decided that I’m going to write a post every other day or so, but nothing too long, kinda just to keep up the momentum, kind of deal. I kind of need to get into a routine anyway, and I’d like blog posts to be a part of that again.

Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to write about today. A little while ago I posted a Desolace update. I was pretty happy with my progress up until that point, even though after I finished the chapter I was working on, I knew I needed to go back and change the ending and have something else happen first.

Except that I put it off for so long that now I’ve forgotten exactly what I was I wanted to do instead…

Usually I write it down in the instance that I know I can’t get to it right away, but this time I didn’t. So I’m an idiot, and will probably be spending the next couple days, or maybe even weeks, trying to remember what it was…

Ugh. My own damn fault.


Learning to Draw

I’ve always loved drawing. There’s something about taking a pen or pencil or something and just letting the lines flow, kind of like I do with words. It’s a different kind of creative work… but it’s one that sometimes works the same, in the sense that every now and then stuff just comes out.

I’m not very good at drawing. I used to be pretty okay, back in high school, but since then I eventually stopped because I opted to pursue other interests. Now, though, at least over the last couple of months, I’ve been trying to pick it up again, although this time approaching it from a technical perspective. By that, I mean I’m trying to learn and master the skills I need to make consistently good drawings. Of course, it will take a long while and a lot of work before I’ll draw anything “good,” but I feel like I’m learning some valuable stuff…

It’s a really slow process, learning to draw. That’s probably because I don’t have the time or patience to dedicate multiple hours to it a week, but I digress. It is one of those things I’d like to be able to do without too much thought, eventually. I don’t expect that to happen anytime soon.

Right now, I’m just using online tutorials to learn stuff, but in the summer I’ll be taking a formal course at the university. Oddly enough, a drawing class is one of the requirements for my degree, so I guess it works out?

Maybe I’ll post a couple drawings sometime– once I’ve drawn something I’m happy with. 🙂


Finally, a Place to Live and a Date to Move Out

I think I may have mentioned it before, but the original goal regarding my graduation was to move out with my boyfriend, his brother, and a few friends at the beginning of July. We found a place that would take all six of us; it was large, spacious, and only a little out dated. All we had to do was get back into Kelowna to sign the lease.

However, the day comes when we’re supposed to make the two hour drive, meet the landlady, and get that over with. Except when we called to confirm that she was available… there was no answer. There was no answer an hour later, there was no answer the next day, there was no answer next week, and there was no answer when we tried calling from a different phone.

It appeared to be that what we hoped was the end of our search was just the beginning of another phase in searching.

Just to give a little background, Kelowna is one of the larger cities in the Okanagan Valley. Since my boyfriend is attending University there on the 1st of September and I plan on attending the same one in about 1-2 years from now, it was an easy decision for us to say we wanted to find somewhere in the area. But because the city has grown exponentially in the last thirty or so years, accommodation is getting harder and harder to find.

Our plans had to change drastically as time went on. This was partially because finding a place for six people was difficult and expensive after our first offer, and because we were becoming more and more desperate. By the end of July we were down to searching for somewhere for just four people, but even most two and three bedroom places were only looking to have two or three people, which was unfortunate. By the middle of September, we were searching for two different housing options, a place where we could fit three of us, or a place for just me and my boyfriend. These were much easier to find, but with how competitive the search for housing in the area is, we weren’t having any luck getting anyone to accept us.

Regardless, yesterday we went to Kelowna for one of our last planned desperate house searches. We made a few appointments to view some places, some that we were sceptical about but were desperate enough to look, and some others that looked promising. There were a few really nice places we got to see, including two awesome townhouses that we would have enjoyed living in. But with our lack of references and such because of being students, they were closer to dream homes than anything. I believe it was about half way through our search for the day when I saw an ad online for a couple looking for a roommate. The price was reasonable, but we weren’t too exciting about the prospect of living with other people; after all, we’d heard more than our share of roommate horror stories on reddit. But with only a bit over a week before classes begin for my boyfriend, we were willing to try anything in hopes at least finding somewhere temporary. So we made an appointment and added it to our list of places to take a look at.

We went over to the place a couple minutes early to scope out the area. Nice place, and it was actually in the area we wanted to live in, and was near one of the places we were considering several months prior. Right across the street there was convenience store, and the outside of the place looked pretty nice. It was kinda cute, actually, there was a white picket fence and everything. So we rang the doorbell and a couple moments later an Asian guy comes to the door. Since he, along with the entranceway were part of my first impression with the place, I can say I was rather pleased so far (I love Asians, and later we learnt that he was an authentic Japanese- you know, from Japan. How cool is that?).

We proceed to enter the place and talk with the couple while we look around. Nice open living area, everything is clean and tidy. While that’s fine and all, there was something else that caught my eye. There was a small bookshelf against the wall that had several volumes of Death Note in it, and probably some other manga that I just didn’t recognize. That was another ten points, but on top of the fact that they seemed to be gamers (or at least one of them, which was evidenced by the shiny green- what I assumed to be Razer- keyboard on one of the desks in the living room), I was pretty much sold before reaching the bedroom that was potentially ours.

Nothing else really matters besides the fact that the girl was the one who was the big gamer; the guy said he did some but it was her that got him into it, and the fact that I’m thrilled to say we decided to go for it. Next weekend we’re moving in with our two new roommates, and into our new home.



The Apocalypse

For the last five days I’ve been running around town with a machine gun, shooting the ever living shit out of all zombies in my path. They’re everywhere, and more keep coming.

My allies have turned against me and plan to leave me in this forsaken place.

On the plus side, my zombie kill count is 17. At least I’ve got that going for me.

The world has come to an end.


On a more serious note, the teachers here in British Columbia are on strike so school was let out a week early. I’m moving out on July 1st, and I can never seem to get enough sleep. Perhaps the world has come to an end…

I’ve packed up my library- most of my library- and am ready to go. There’s still probably about 150 books I’m leaving behind because I don’t have enough room. I’m kind of sad about that, but I guess at least I can leave most of that trashy YA that I read when I was 13 behind and built up my collections of other genres. Like, you know, fantasy, because that’s important.

Speaking of fantasy, one strange thing that I noticed while packing up all of the books is that I own a ridiculous amount of fantasy I’ve yet to read. Yeah, I know I merged my collection of books with my mother’s, but holy crap! About half of the books from the unread sector of my boxes are fantasy. I didn’t even know I had that much. I’m quite thankful for that actually, because that means I don’t need to go on a long-ass search for more books when I can just read all of the series I somehow already own.

In the writing world, Erynn is busy. I’ve been clinking away at Taichiren’s as often as possible and am looking to force myself to write a minimum of 500 words toward that novel every day. On top of that, though, I’ve got my work writing. I think I might have a little more work than I need at the moment, but with determination and more time, I’ll be all good.

One thing I’ve been paying a lot of attention to while writing for work is that I’ve improved a lot. My sentence structure seems to be a lot better than it was 6 months ago, my word choices are better, and I’m learning to avoid unnecessary words while writing, instead of eliminating them when editing. This would be things such as adverbs, ‘very’, ‘that’, etc.

Sorry for the slow updates guys, once I’m all settled again you’ll hear more from me. 🙂


The First Book I Ever Wrote

I wrote it in grade 8, and I never showed anyone. I called it “And Then, so Death Took Them”, but I’m not really sure what to think of that name. Sure, it was a pretty accurate representation of the book, but I don’t think I’d ever get away with that kind of name. On a personal level, I’m now fond of novel names that sum up the book in 1-3 words. The second thing is that it seems like more of a horror title, rather than sci-fi.

The first five chapters or so sit at the bottom of one of my dresser drawers. The rest has been lost, though I’m sure if I looked really hard I could find it; the original story somewhat stemmed from an English project, so I’ve most likely got a copy somewhere within the depths of my email.

Anyway, this story eventually merged with a different idea I had, and it’s been reformed into what I’ve previously mentioned as Desolace. I tried to rewrite it a year or two ago, but I had too many other things to worry about and I only ended up writing about 3 chapters. *shrug*

I’m not sure why I took the story idea I had from my English class and morphed it into a story. It originally began as a story about a government oppressed society, who years beforehand evacuated the dying planet of Earth when an alternate dimensional version of Earth was found. On the new earth, the government went “corrupt” and eliminated the use of every day technology, and kept anything advanced in their hands. But that’s not how the story ended up once I changed it into Desolace. Now it’s more of a fantasy/sci-fi mix that is actually the advancement of another “human” race that exists outside of Earth.

I guess you could say that’s when my vague aspirations of being a novelist/author began. I think it’s kind of sad that it took me such a long time (then to now) to realize that there’s nothing else I could want to do more- though I suppose late is better than never.

The first line in “And Then, so Death Took Them”:

Most might consider killing to be a science, I, however, consider it to be an art.

When’s the first time any of you tried your hand at writing a book?