I don’t really like new years. I’ve never really celebrated it before. I mean there were times when I was a kid where I got to stay up until midnight to be awake for the new year, but I’ve never gone partying or celebrated it through some means other than simply being awake.
This year I kinda broke that “tradition” by going out with my boyfriend and a friend to some pub where we hung out and listened to some live metal music, but we were still home by 9:30 pm. Not a party or really a celebration by any means. Shrug. I enjoyed myself, I guess that’s what matters.
So if you don’t care about new years, why write this post? one might be tempted to ask. My answer to that is because it’s around this time of year that people think about what they accomplished in the year that’s over, and what they want to accomplish in the new year. You know, all that resolution bullshit. And yeah I call it bullshit even though I do like to make my own goals, though not really specifically because it’s the new year.
Anyway, I don’t care to go over what I want to do this year, or what I did manage to do last year because ultimately it doesn’t matter. I succeeded at some things, failed others, and accomplished some surprises that I hadn’t expected. That’s what I wanted to discuss, actually– me accomplishing something I didn’t expect.
For the last two years or so I’ve felt stuck. Sure, I started a business, was writing full-time, and then eventually started going to university, but none of that changed the fact that I felt like I was struggling to move onto the next chapter of my life. I’ve always known why I felt that way, but it wasn’t ever something I wanted to talk to anyone about because I was caught up on a couple events that occurred months or even years in the past, things that I was embarrassed about, things I was still depressed over, things that were close to my heart and I didn’t want them to become any less important. I guess it’s worth mentioning that some of these things are why November was a shitty month for me (see the was?).
I guess something changed. I don’t really know what it was. I mean I guess I do– I got sick of losing a whole month every year and feeling like shit whenever I encountered certain subjects. But it’s more than that, I just don’t have the words to express it.
So yeah. I guess I’ve done it. With 2017, the next chapter of Erynn’s life officially begins.